Anybody can do a transaction in the workplace. Anybody can do a deal. But not nearly as many people can build and maintain meaningful business relationships.

If you want to build a relationship with a client or colleague, there are three things that need to be happening. These things relate to the relationship side of business. They’re often the things that, in my own experience, transform a client into a friend.

We don’t usually take the time to articulate them, but let’s give it a shot.

(1) Listening

If you become a better listener, that’s the first point in connection in any relationship.

If I’m truly listening to what you’re saying, I’m allowing you to influence me with your words. I’m giving attention to what you’re saying. I am actually hearing it and internalizing what you’re saying. I’m saying to myself: “Excellent. How can I better serve you? How can I learn from you and apply this to my life? How is what you’re saying to me changing the way we relate to each other?”

(2) Asking Questions

If I’m focused on building a meaningful business relationship, I’m asking you questions. Why?  Because I need more information and because I need to deepen what I think you’re telling me, to make sure I’m listening fully and listening well… to uncover all the nuance of what you’re thinking and feeling.

When this is happening in both directions—when both parties are adapting and listening to one another and asking questions—benefits start flowing that go way beyond a transaction.

(3) Spending Time Together

I need to spend time with you outside of a business setting to demonstrate the relationship is real! This is how I prove to you that the questions I’ve asked I have internalized, and then we can walk that out together.

Now, of course business people need to create value, make money, produce results. But I’ve seen it time and time again. The results take care of themselves when you’re focused on building real relationships.

I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure it’s a win-win, not a win-lose. I’m committed to that. I know that I may not “win”, but that’s not going to affect the relationship. The question is: If I never win, does the relationship go away? Was the relationship based on me getting something? Or was this a true relationship, one that will persevere through the highs and the lows of living in this world?

Listening, asking questions, spending time. That’s how we build and maintain meaningful relationships.